Hello after..

In all creation, I wouldn't expect to be back here again, writing another post. I mean the last time I was here, it was Chinese New Year and life was simpler, so to say. A sigh could very well represent everything that has happened in the past 5 months. Friendships rotated, while some may have remained the same. Workload most certainly has increased. Experiences teaching a thing or two about living. Someone new to cause infatuations and joyful feeling in the heart. A luggage full of complications (what's new?). LIFE suddenly looks promising in a strange new way. Again. What's new?

I do not wish to dwell on these things in detail. I would rather you come to me and communicate like a normal person would.

If there's anything bothering me right now, it is definitely the fact that there is too many things to do. There is probably a million and one things that I want to do but nevertheless, the things that I need to do like get an education is being a big enough weight, pulling me further and further. Some time for my camera sounds like a wish come true.. Where are those damn planes? *Sigh* Being able to write good songs now and then sounds like a plan. Even a good period of time and budget for a short film or two would be 'Hallejulah!'

But then again, I'm still learning the trades of all these things. I would never dare call myself a professional in any of those things. Simply put, I'm just trying my best to be very good at what I like to do. Like my dad constantly grinding me, "It's always important to be very good at something" It appears that I'm never satisfied. Gosh.. if only i've started liking these sort of things much much earlier.. I would not have to be struggling my socks off like how I am now.

Hmm.. as of now, I'm back on track with my education, it's time to pull off great feats of *something that sounds awesome* There are plans but I need help planning it and executing it *sounds like a business plan* But then again, I might know a few awesome people to help me pull off my awesome plans... Heck, you know what they say about plans... It never turns out the way you want it to.. It'll be interesting to see what comes out.

Till next time, more ranting and evidence of my ill-managed life.

When they don’t ask.

Chinese New Year came and stayed on without much bickering. In fact, almost everything that I have mentioned in previous post didn’t materialised. There were no unavoidable conflicts, just wishes and red packets. (unless you decide to not rule out the argument the little ones have over who gets to play the X-BOX 360).

It seemed to me that the Big MAN above made changes this year, probably blew a dash of magic dusts. Or maybe this year, the tiger decided to meow instead of roaring out loud ( ROL! )

Whichever the case, as peaceful as it appears to be, I can describe this year’s celebration as rather un-lively as compared to previous years. Call me meticulous or complain pot, but I’m just saying.

Maybe it’s better this way, less headache. Is there any hidden conflict that I was unaware of? Not that I noticed any. Hopefully, this time I’m right and Lady Luck is smiling on me.

But wait… it’s too darn quiet… even for my standards… ( I’m not too sure of what my standards consists of ) As I run through my checklist in my mind of the things that usually happens during this time of the year, there were things that were left out.

Among the ones that stood out was that there were no ‘Girlfriend’ question, which in my relatives’ case as rare as Hayley’s Comet passing by. Relieved that such a prayed for occurrence to happen, I plunged myself into the depths of the old leather sofa, ignoring the bits and toys that might be hidden within. The crummy old sofa has somewhat became a really comfortable chair.

Little did I know, that the next of my aunt's visitors would undoubtedly shake up the hours to come. A simple ‘hello’ and ‘Happy New Year’ came in order, as a groomed and build man appeared before me. My first impression was that this man was rather on the feminine side, with a 80% chance of being a steward. Forgive me for my prejudice. With him, his niece.

Now, as far as I could guess what you are thinking at this point of the story, I would like for to ask for a request. Do not assume anything for the moment.

So, while thinking, “Here’s another distant relative that I’ve yet to meet.” So, as everyone settled down and my aunt begins her usual long conversation with that man. Listening in, (there was nothing interesting to do at that moment) I sat correct, he was a steward and he met my aunt through the airlines. Now, for the second part, how did I know that the girl who came with him was his niece. I don’t. I’m good but not that good. Back again, how did I know?

“Sean!” It was that instance, where I felt all the hard edges of that aged sofa. “Come here, I want you to meet someone”, I thought I’ve met everyone already. “This is Debbie, this uncle’s niece” By ‘uncle’ doesn’t mean we’re related. It’s just an Asian way of addressing anyone who is a generation older than you. “Debbie, this is Sean, handsome or not?” Stunned as I was, I just smiled. Hellooo Debbie.

From then onwards was my aunt describing how am I this great guy and worth considering and all that load of #$%^&. Debbie was just smiling while avoiding the chance of answering any question that was being thrown at her. I on the other hand, was left gobsmacked. Whether it was in utter embarrassment or unending laughter, I’m not sure. Whichever it is, it wasn’t the best situation to be in.

If it didn’t help make matters worse, Debbie here is 16 and just had her SPM results. Straight A’s. This dude here 19, 2A’s and a whole lots of B’s. Hallelujah! Forget the results! I’m just not interested Aunty Ann! But she pressed on with “He can drive” fact. If driving was a merit in courtship, I’d be the more eligible bachelor in this part of town, so to speak.

It wasn’t all smooth sailing till the end. In fact, right just before the Debbie and her uncle went back, my Aunt called. “Debbie, come and see who’s taller” The mentally exhausted girl dragged herself by my side. She’s at my eye. Quite tall. All Aunt said was how matching our heights were. Eyes rolling, I bade farewell to my guests and couldn’t help but constantly repeating the line, “What in God’s name had just happened?”

Smiling, she held my shoulders, “You want her account or not?”. “No, thank you Aunty Ann”. Perhaps maybe in different circumstances, I would say hi and start over again. As I set course to the rugged sofa, my 15 year old cousin kept complaining on how I missed a chance of a lifetime. Obviously, he has yet to experience puberty to the fullest. I think he has just began to discover the other gender, or so says his mother.

But then again, the incident got me thinking. I would gone at it if I remained the same person as I was back in A Levels. So, how is it different this time? Nothing in particular really, just a simple case of ‘what do I really want?’. Only a few, I suppose. So few that I could count it a one hand. Could be a dream job. Could be two alphabets (guess?) that go together so well that I sometimes yearn for it. Could just be you.

Before I stray away, I’d like to wish you all a great year ahead. Good fortunes, Good health, Good people…

And once a while, have moments like this to keep everything in perspective. ☺

At the end of it all, when they don’t ask they match make..

What’s between LIKE and LOVE?

13th February 2010, 5.24 p.m. - As of now, I’m hanging around at my grandmother’s place with probably only thing left to do is cook, which rarely involves me in it. If it were any consolation, I try not to ruin my family’s heritage that includes very good tasting food. So, I’ve decided to open my laptop and write what ever that’s on my mind. If for some odd reason this post makes it to the blog site (which is the one you’re reading  now), do not ask why, just wonder.

The nights before weren’t the most sleep-worthy kind of nights. Normal person’s term, nights with good sleep. It was dreadful and I find myself waking up to unusual times of the day. One day it was 6.30 in the morning, another 12 in the afternoon. In fact, two days ago it was 4 in the morning. Then today came and it was complicated. I was tired but it felt like it was a good night’s sleep. Whatever was i dreaming, it sure was one hell of a dream (it was that good) but the darn thing is that I can’t remember a thing. Note : My pants was dry.

One thing’s for certain, I had the sudden urge to get someone flowers for Valentine’s Day just the heck of it. It was a feeling that it was something that I should do if not I’d be restless the whole of Chinese New Year eve. Childish and as simple as it may sound, I just feel like standing outside her house, hoping while waiting for her dad to kick me out of the neighbourhood. Forgive me if it looks like I copied this out of a movie script. But then again, movies are the closest thing to our fantasy and imaginations. 

While google-ing for the nearest florist to her house, (to save on delivery cost) a thought hit me. Where’s the sincerity? A stranger delivering flowers to me with a card saying “Every girl should receive a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day, even those who weren’t looking for one, Scrubs” only shows one thing. He is dumb fool who is at the same time, unromantic at all. I imagined her calling me on the phone, “Eh bodoh! Don’t waste your money la! Gosh!”

With a scratched out plan, readjusted thoughts, I quickly packed my stuff and went downstairs to join my family as we set to leave in 5 minutes time.

The journey, ah the journey…. I think I snuffed weed or something because the 15 minutes journey felt like 2 hours as I filled my mind with mostly repeated thoughts of whether or not should I let the moment slide away like any other day. After much bickering, it had became apparent that it’s getting into me and that I should wish her and get over with it. Though I shall not ask her to be my valentine, I think I should express how I feel, for it would set me free! (BS!)

Therefore, I have chosen a word to sum it all up. No fancy words and eye catching effects, or even a video with a song dedication to accompany to it. To say ‘I like you’ is an understatement. To say ‘I love you’ is way too much. Crazy and stupid and more importantly, I’m not at that level. So, I chose ‘I adore you’. Adoration comes in between the both extremes. Philosophical as it sounds, it is the only way that I can be truthful and simple at the same time. Hallelujah!

I hate Valentine’s Day… It’s messing with my mind… And I allow it…  

An unnecessary feeling

For once in a long while, I’m not looking forward to Chinese New Year. Maybe it’s because I see my grandmother on a weekly basis. Or maybe the sight my cousins swearing at each other sickens me. Or maybe wishing prosperity to aunties and uncles who seemed strange to me is becoming a drag. No doubt the money’s good and seeing some of my distant relatives is nice but I do not feel the same way I did years back… What changed?

As everyone in class was excitingly discussing which dress to buy for the occasion, and how much they missed home, I could only sit and ponder on the many things that have changed. The drama that has taken place over time was anything but constructive. In fact, I doubt I’ll be seeing some of family members as they have either gone to US to study, or simply have no intention to come back, to avoid the drama.

I do not wish to spare any details, for it is not my place to do so. However, sometimes I feel like slapping their faces to wake them up, which probably would end up in more bad blood. A few bad experience during the past few new years has probably unlit most of my excitement, if not extinguishing it.

I can only hope and pray to God that everything will heal in time. Besides, I do look forward to the time when some of you peeps come visit. A breath of fresh air is good for this ‘already-stale-for-too-long’ environment. Other than that, as always, I look forward to when my mom complains about me waking up late on that day itself, and when my dad ask “How do I look?'” for the millionth time. Heck, it’s on Valentine’s Day, and I’m prepared to be showered with the girlfriend question. Now, the question remains, is my feeling still unnecessary? Oh, in case I forgot next week..

GONG XI FA CAI

Another misconception cleared!

I came across this article a few days ago and thought everyone should check it out... It's about what guys find romantic... and to those ladies who think guys are spoilt, underwork and unsensitive pigs, I think you're looking at the whole thing from a different perspective...

Here's the URL
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88880/dating-101-what-do-men-find-romantic

P.S. Don't ask me what was I doing at this sort of article, I just thought it was very interesting and it covers and represents guys' perspective very nicely... =) Please leave any comments. I would like to know what you think... Cheers...

A story of a late blooming 'banana'

It's funny how some people react when they finally get the 'free' time they have been dreading for all eternity. While the most typical thing to do is taking a trip down the isle of Dreamland, others just resolve to doing the things they usually would try to avoid. In my case, updating this utterly, perculiar love hate relationship with this web page. I mean, the sub heading on the top says it all. With all due respect towards myself, I have yet to display any level of recognition to be even considered a feature in any form of writing. However, do bear with me while I share a tale that comes deeply into my heart.

The thing about discovering what your passion is sometimes, it takes a while for it to surface. It is like a shy little rose bud, which with proper nuturing, blooms into something beautiful. The thing about my rose buds are that they bloom fashionably late. I have arrived at this cruel conclusion through a series of realisations and an agonising memory tracing session while I was bored staring at the walls, with my guitar resting smoothly on my chest.

According to my parents, while I was still a naive six year old, I made a hell of a protest against going to a chinese school. My valiant effort to recall details of that faithful event was like any other attempt of trying to ever remember anything, useless. In fact, while part of myself was grateful for the above beginner's level of english, part of myself still rue the inability to speak my mother tongue fluently.

Fast forwarding to the end of high school, I found myself accomplishing a lot, but nothing worth mention in any honorary roll. I was a seventeen who was clueless of the world that was about to heap on his shoulders. At that time, little did I knew I was about to be thrown into a pool of sharks when I signed that letter of acceptance into A Levels programme. The only good that came out of it was the accidental introduction to the world of mass communication. Now, in an odd way, calling myself an university dropout like it was something to be proud, I'm starting over from the bottom, with only one thing in mind, success. (That was so lame sounding)

Now, when almost everyone is ahead and they look so distant, I'm trying to catch up. I've probably been catching up all my life. My only hope now is that somehow, I'll be able to catch up and then stop myself from ever falling behind. I have nothing but clear memory of how difficult it was, mentally and emotionally, to be on the slow lane when everyone is on the expressway. There was never a day where I do not look back and think how things could have been any different. After all is said and done, I can only be thankful to God that I'm back on track. Slowly but surely, I will be able to live out my dreams and passion, instead of only watching from the sidelines.