What’s between LIKE and LOVE?

13th February 2010, 5.24 p.m. - As of now, I’m hanging around at my grandmother’s place with probably only thing left to do is cook, which rarely involves me in it. If it were any consolation, I try not to ruin my family’s heritage that includes very good tasting food. So, I’ve decided to open my laptop and write what ever that’s on my mind. If for some odd reason this post makes it to the blog site (which is the one you’re reading  now), do not ask why, just wonder.

The nights before weren’t the most sleep-worthy kind of nights. Normal person’s term, nights with good sleep. It was dreadful and I find myself waking up to unusual times of the day. One day it was 6.30 in the morning, another 12 in the afternoon. In fact, two days ago it was 4 in the morning. Then today came and it was complicated. I was tired but it felt like it was a good night’s sleep. Whatever was i dreaming, it sure was one hell of a dream (it was that good) but the darn thing is that I can’t remember a thing. Note : My pants was dry.

One thing’s for certain, I had the sudden urge to get someone flowers for Valentine’s Day just the heck of it. It was a feeling that it was something that I should do if not I’d be restless the whole of Chinese New Year eve. Childish and as simple as it may sound, I just feel like standing outside her house, hoping while waiting for her dad to kick me out of the neighbourhood. Forgive me if it looks like I copied this out of a movie script. But then again, movies are the closest thing to our fantasy and imaginations. 

While google-ing for the nearest florist to her house, (to save on delivery cost) a thought hit me. Where’s the sincerity? A stranger delivering flowers to me with a card saying “Every girl should receive a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day, even those who weren’t looking for one, Scrubs” only shows one thing. He is dumb fool who is at the same time, unromantic at all. I imagined her calling me on the phone, “Eh bodoh! Don’t waste your money la! Gosh!”

With a scratched out plan, readjusted thoughts, I quickly packed my stuff and went downstairs to join my family as we set to leave in 5 minutes time.

The journey, ah the journey…. I think I snuffed weed or something because the 15 minutes journey felt like 2 hours as I filled my mind with mostly repeated thoughts of whether or not should I let the moment slide away like any other day. After much bickering, it had became apparent that it’s getting into me and that I should wish her and get over with it. Though I shall not ask her to be my valentine, I think I should express how I feel, for it would set me free! (BS!)

Therefore, I have chosen a word to sum it all up. No fancy words and eye catching effects, or even a video with a song dedication to accompany to it. To say ‘I like you’ is an understatement. To say ‘I love you’ is way too much. Crazy and stupid and more importantly, I’m not at that level. So, I chose ‘I adore you’. Adoration comes in between the both extremes. Philosophical as it sounds, it is the only way that I can be truthful and simple at the same time. Hallelujah!

I hate Valentine’s Day… It’s messing with my mind… And I allow it…  

An unnecessary feeling

For once in a long while, I’m not looking forward to Chinese New Year. Maybe it’s because I see my grandmother on a weekly basis. Or maybe the sight my cousins swearing at each other sickens me. Or maybe wishing prosperity to aunties and uncles who seemed strange to me is becoming a drag. No doubt the money’s good and seeing some of my distant relatives is nice but I do not feel the same way I did years back… What changed?

As everyone in class was excitingly discussing which dress to buy for the occasion, and how much they missed home, I could only sit and ponder on the many things that have changed. The drama that has taken place over time was anything but constructive. In fact, I doubt I’ll be seeing some of family members as they have either gone to US to study, or simply have no intention to come back, to avoid the drama.

I do not wish to spare any details, for it is not my place to do so. However, sometimes I feel like slapping their faces to wake them up, which probably would end up in more bad blood. A few bad experience during the past few new years has probably unlit most of my excitement, if not extinguishing it.

I can only hope and pray to God that everything will heal in time. Besides, I do look forward to the time when some of you peeps come visit. A breath of fresh air is good for this ‘already-stale-for-too-long’ environment. Other than that, as always, I look forward to when my mom complains about me waking up late on that day itself, and when my dad ask “How do I look?'” for the millionth time. Heck, it’s on Valentine’s Day, and I’m prepared to be showered with the girlfriend question. Now, the question remains, is my feeling still unnecessary? Oh, in case I forgot next week..

GONG XI FA CAI

Another misconception cleared!

I came across this article a few days ago and thought everyone should check it out... It's about what guys find romantic... and to those ladies who think guys are spoilt, underwork and unsensitive pigs, I think you're looking at the whole thing from a different perspective...

Here's the URL
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88880/dating-101-what-do-men-find-romantic

P.S. Don't ask me what was I doing at this sort of article, I just thought it was very interesting and it covers and represents guys' perspective very nicely... =) Please leave any comments. I would like to know what you think... Cheers...

A story of a late blooming 'banana'

It's funny how some people react when they finally get the 'free' time they have been dreading for all eternity. While the most typical thing to do is taking a trip down the isle of Dreamland, others just resolve to doing the things they usually would try to avoid. In my case, updating this utterly, perculiar love hate relationship with this web page. I mean, the sub heading on the top says it all. With all due respect towards myself, I have yet to display any level of recognition to be even considered a feature in any form of writing. However, do bear with me while I share a tale that comes deeply into my heart.

The thing about discovering what your passion is sometimes, it takes a while for it to surface. It is like a shy little rose bud, which with proper nuturing, blooms into something beautiful. The thing about my rose buds are that they bloom fashionably late. I have arrived at this cruel conclusion through a series of realisations and an agonising memory tracing session while I was bored staring at the walls, with my guitar resting smoothly on my chest.

According to my parents, while I was still a naive six year old, I made a hell of a protest against going to a chinese school. My valiant effort to recall details of that faithful event was like any other attempt of trying to ever remember anything, useless. In fact, while part of myself was grateful for the above beginner's level of english, part of myself still rue the inability to speak my mother tongue fluently.

Fast forwarding to the end of high school, I found myself accomplishing a lot, but nothing worth mention in any honorary roll. I was a seventeen who was clueless of the world that was about to heap on his shoulders. At that time, little did I knew I was about to be thrown into a pool of sharks when I signed that letter of acceptance into A Levels programme. The only good that came out of it was the accidental introduction to the world of mass communication. Now, in an odd way, calling myself an university dropout like it was something to be proud, I'm starting over from the bottom, with only one thing in mind, success. (That was so lame sounding)

Now, when almost everyone is ahead and they look so distant, I'm trying to catch up. I've probably been catching up all my life. My only hope now is that somehow, I'll be able to catch up and then stop myself from ever falling behind. I have nothing but clear memory of how difficult it was, mentally and emotionally, to be on the slow lane when everyone is on the expressway. There was never a day where I do not look back and think how things could have been any different. After all is said and done, I can only be thankful to God that I'm back on track. Slowly but surely, I will be able to live out my dreams and passion, instead of only watching from the sidelines.

In Dilemma... A must read!

Actually, I'm not the one with the dilemma... At least nothing to shout about or posting on a blog.... However, my lost and found close friend is cooking up a treat for y'all by creating a mini suspense/drama story at his blog page... So, go and check it out!!! If you thought your life was an extract from THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL or even THE GOSSIP GIRL..... THINK AGAIN! Here's the link ( http://bananaboatman.blogspot.com/ ) to make it easier for IT-dummies (me! me!) or lazy bums who wants everything spoon fed (probably you! the one reading now) Joking Joking.... but I do mean the part about checking it out...

A gal named Asha and a very big 'fish tail'...

Going back to when you were all were small.... I mean really small... young... naive... innocent... you get the point! Do you have anyone who you just wished you'd be one day... and don't give me answers like my dad and probably all the noble and cool things that he has done..... Look back for things like Ultraman or Superman (and that mesirable attempt to wear your underwear on the outside...) What about Batman (and your paper made gadgets)... and for the girls, Barbie perhaps? Haha.. My bad... okok.. Wonder Women? or that chick who kick the guy in the @#$%?

Well I didn't have any... (maybe Spidey once because of Mary Jane) Just messing around...

I grew up knowing too many cartoon or comic characters while working on Comic's Corner. Probably too much for my own good. But then, I started to watch 'Lonely Planet' and 'Globe Trekker' on tv... one of the few channels available on I had first Astro... That was a long time ago... But from then onwards I can honestly says I really wanted to be one of them.... I mean all I see them do is have fun on tv while exploring a country through the eyes of a local.... No need for troublesome villians and leaking out, if not obvious secret identity... Seriously, Clark Kent without his glasses?

There're couple of them on the show but I only remembered this two, Ian Wright and Asha Gill... and they made me even more jealous of those people on travel shows...

And if I were meet to one of these 'misery bring-ers', I would tell them to pack their bags, a new host is coming along... A few days ago, I did meet one of them... And I didn't do it... I was simply in awe when I stood in front of that person....

Wiping off cold sweat from my forehead, I entered the large and almost blizzard like atmosphere of a hallroom. As I sat down on the third row, I couldn't help but peep at this tall, short haired brunette who was sitting down in the first row, taking in the vibe from the crowd before she started her talk. In all jittery, I too eventually soaked into the surroundings and on the verge of breaking breaking my back, thanks to the all so comfortable chair of lecture hall 1.

She gave quite an animated talk I must say. In my opinion, a speakers is only as good as how much he or she can relate to the audience. Long before this sentence, you've might already guessed who am I talking about. Or probably didn't even reach this part of the story to even care. As much as she has shown the 'kid' in her, she also gave everyone a large slice of her personality. She was simply a fun box that explodes randomly whenever it felt like it. And it shows when she started shouting 'fire' to explain how she avoided random men who were grabbing her bottom in a shoot in India. Or the way she moves in a cartoonish feature around the podium.

At the end of it all, I carried the weight of twenty elephants as I dragged myself to say "hi". It was a moment of sheer blankness (is that even a word?). Snap!

Thank you God for my height!

I kinda looked like a 'dweeb' next to her ain't I? After skillfully shooting down all the butterfies in my stomach, I shook her hand and said how it was nice to meet her and how i enjoyed her talk. LAME... I know right? Should have just ask her out or something for the heck of it.... I'm definitely should have done better than that...

Leaving for work again was a tiresome agenda... Felt like 20 miles of hiking in fact... Along the way, I couldn't help but wonder about some of the things she said like you argue with your parents so much because you're the carbon copy of them. It's because you're just like them, most of the things they tell you are terrifyingly annoying because you already know it and it's inside of you. Something to think about yea? She also talk about how she did so many things in her life because she was clueless on what she wanted to do... Sounds kinda familiar... These are what she labeled as 'fish tails' in life. Everytime you make changes in life, you swing your 'tail' from one end to the other. Every swing pushes your life forward. I just have this gut feeling that I'm about to make one very big swing.... Full speed ahead.....

Referencing : thestar.com.my, photoguides.com

Whoosh, like assignment already...

P.S. "Stay hungry, stay foolish", Steve Jobs

A Backache, A crappy friend, and 'enjoy the little things'

It's been too long since the last post and I'm sorry for the long absence... Despite the deeply desired wish to launch a hate campaign against 'streamyx' and 'HP' for their crappy service, I shall keep those things underwraps for the moment. For now, as I reflect a bit on myself, I began to share a feeling of despise towards myself. For all the improvements I try to make, it seems that nothing feels like it's better, more like worse off.

A few days ago, I have gotten a job at student services department as a student helper. I thought the extra income and experience could help me a little bit to lift my lazy bottom to something better (I dunno how else to put it). Instead, I came off having a sore back and a revelation.

The sore back came from all the hours sitting down and data entry. The dreadful moments of reading so many 'unique' handwritting and trying to make sense of what they had answered on the enquire form. I don't know how this people do this sometimes... Oh ya, the chair wasn't a big help either. Out of all the chairs, it was the only one without any form of cushioning, just plain hard wood. My butt barely made it pass day 1, it was dying in day 2. At least everyone there was friendly and helpful.

Amidst all the discomfort, it appeared to me that I had miss out a lot too. I miss out on watching my friend's EC performance, which i had promised to watch, miss out on basketball, and even as I'm writing this, I have sent an sms to Christine to blow off my friends on Sunway Lagoon later cause I forgot to take leave off my work to join them. All in all, my horrible time management has turn me into a crappy friend who constantly breaks promises. It's not the job, it's me. It kills me sometimes to tell them when I miss out on these things. The immediate reactions I get, although painful to the heart but it's the cold truth I deserve. I pray things change for the better for my sake at least, and sincerely sorry to those whom I blow off.

When one's life is in havoc, he or she should enjoy the little things while you can. It could be a smile or a simple hello from that certain someone, or taking a slow drive towards the sunrise or even just simply hanging out with your friends. Most of the time, it's the little things that makes life more bearable and probably more fun. I sometimes run so fast without taking a breather to actually enjoy these little things. At least now I know why I always look forward towards each new day, why I always look forward to her 'hello'. You should try it sometime.

Now, I leave y'all with a pic of Aaron Tan's new 'girlfriend' also known as Christine 2 or Janell 2 or Serene 2.

P.S. I shall a happier post next time... : )